So many of us go through life out of sync with what we truly want and who we genuinely are. We say yes when we mean no. We strive to be easygoing, to not rock the boat, to keep things simple for others—even at the cost of our own needs. We show up in ways that feel inauthentic because we’re afraid of what might happen if we let our true selves be seen. And in [...]
When I moved back to my hometown for grad school, I told myself it was temporary—just a couple of years, then I’d be off to find my place in the world. But grad school came and went. I started dating someone. I settled into the everyday rhythms of Santa Cruz. I had my community, my family close by, a climbing gym I loved, the ocean at my doorstep. Life was good. And yet, something felt... [...]
Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about how things shift when we’re in a romantic relationship. It’s fascinating how easily the lines between what I need and what they need get blurred. Differentiation—the ability to hold onto your own sense of self while staying connected to your partner—can get really tricky. It sounds simple, but it’s something that can quietly slip away without us even realizing. Take this for example: When I’m single, I feel so [...]
Nature even likes to draw the line! These days, we hear the word “boundary” thrown around a lot. One might say “I set a boundary with my partner the other day and told her she needs to stop calling me so much”, or “I set a boundary and told them to not talk to me like that”. While these examples might feel good to say in the moment, they aren’t actually boundaries, because they [...]
On February 5, 2024, the New York Times published an article titled “Therapists Trade the Couch for the Great Outdoors”. The impact of this article rippled through my life unexpectedly, with approximately seven friends reaching out to me about it, followed by a flood of inquiries from graduate students and fellow clinicians curious about my experiences with hiking therapy. It was evident that this article had struck a chord, whether due to its prominence in one [...]
I have been thinking a lot recently about dating and relationships in my generation, about the challenges of finding lasting love in a world that tells us we should seek perfection. Dating apps give us so many options, and just like when we get overwhelmed at the supermarket trying to decide between 17 different types of toilet paper, having the ability to just swipe right or left on an infinite number of potential suitors is both [...]
I found this burned tree while hiking. Hiking is so beneficial in helping me process emotions when I am going through a rough time. If you had told me last year at this time that I would experience one of the worst bouts of anxiety and depression of my life, I would have looked at you incredulously and laughed. I was in a happy partnership trying a new relationship style for the first [...]
I have been thinking a lot recently about the difference between vulnerability and oversharing. For the past few years, I have taken pride in my ability to be authentic and vulnerable with many people, but I have begun to wonder about the line between sharing openly and sharing too much. Is there a point where my desire to share becomes a pretense for creating connection that simply isn’t there? And with whom should I share vulnerable [...]
I woke up the other morning, went on a walk, and was greeted by this incredible view. I can’t believe I live here! When I was in high school, I was convinced that I would leave my hometown and move to the Pacific Northwest for college, where I would fulfill my dream of beanie-wearing, coffee-drinking, alternative music-loving hipsterdom. Even though I came from a vacation town known for incredible nature, a beautiful coastline, and [...]
This week has been particularly intense. Clients have shown up to sessions experiencing breakups, flooding, grief, and pain, and I have sat there with an empathetic ear, bearing witness to each clients’ process of confronting, and embodying, all their emotions. I don’t think therapists talk enough about the toll that it takes to sit with so much vicarious pain and suffering. Yesterday, I finished my last session of the week feeling accomplished and proud to have [...]